Imaginary Football Year II, Dinosaurs vs. Chain Gang
Same as last year, I was unable to watch the Super Bowel, so I once again watched Imaginary Football instead. I couldn’t post the results on Super Bowel Sunday because the game was the longest game in the history of sports…12 hours, to be exact, and I was exhausted by the time it ended. In fact, I didn't even realize the game was over until hours later, as I fell asleep somewhere around the tenth hour.
This year’s contest pitted the Cleveland Chain Gang against the Denver Dinosaurs. Unlike last year, which was at least a gripping drama of defensive maneuvering worthy of the history books, this year could aptly be named the “Stupor Bowl”. The Chain Gang couldn’t seem to function as individuals…everywhere you looked, they were all clumped together on the field, tripping over each other (as well as the Dinosaurs). They tried to explain it away as a “zone offense”, but whatever they called it, it wasn’t very effective.
The Dinosaurs, on the other hand, were so lethargic as to seem half-petrified. Their movements were painfully slow. In fact, it appeared throughout much of the game that they actually were not moving at all. They also had trouble organizing their plays, apparently due to small brain size. It’s hard to imagine how these two teams won the play-offs, and I didn’t try. One imaginary game was about all I could handle.
I think the contest would have lasted another 12 hours, but the Dinosaurs, due to old age, finally fell asleep and the Chain Gang was able to hobble into the end zone en masse to end the game in not-so-sudden death with a score of 6-0 Chain Gang. I watched the last two hours on Monday evening using imaginary fast-forward because I couldn’t bear another two hours of agony. The crowd (except me…I fell asleep on a bench) had all abandoned the game in about the fourth hour, so there was no one left to cheer for the winners. I felt bad about that. I was rooting for the Dinosaurs, anyway.